Atlanta Braves

Fix Your Broken Team in One Offseason: NL East

Your favorite baseball team is broken. There is lots of work to do this winter, whether they need a shortstop, more starting pitching, or a front office facelift. If they took the field today, they would be a total disaster. Hell, they probably don’t even have enough players! Don’t despair— here are three reasons why everything will work out just fine (probably).

  1. Your 29 rivals are also broken. They all exist on the spectrum between “moderately flawed” and “Colorado Rockies.”
  2. It’s only November. There’s a cold, dark, expansive offseason ahead of us to suck the joy out of life— possibly including a work stoppage— in which your team’s front office can maneuver, supplement, and revise the roster.
  3. (Most important) Off the Bench knows how to fix everything! With our years of part-time blogging experience, we have the panacea for each of the 30 MLB clubs.

In an act of pure largesse, we have decided to tell each franchise how to fix itself. See here for the AL East. You’re welcome, MLB.

Atlanta Braves

Just because they’re the champs doesn’t mean they’re fine. The Braves’ 88 wins were the fewest of any playoff team in 2021.

What went right: The postseason, for one thing. When Austin Riley was a prospect, he seemed like he would land somewhere in the Joey GalloAdam Dunn bucket. Somehow, he manifested into a .300 hitter and complete player. The Trade Deadline deals for a whole new outfield— Adam Duvall, Joc Pederson, Eddie Rosario, and Jorge Soler— were a masterstroke, but it was really the pitching staff that carried the team.

What went wrong: Their Opening Day outfield, left to right, was Marcell Ozuna, Cristian Pache, and Ronald Acuña, Jr. Ozuna was arrested on charges related to domestic violence against his wife, Pache didn’t hit at all (and maybe never will), and Acuña tore his ACL on July 10.

How to fix them: Franchise icon Freddie Freeman is a free agent. The only people happy about this are elementary writing teachers giving a lesson on alliteration. The success of the offseason is entirely predicated on opening up the checkbook to bring him home. There’s still more work to be done though. Of the quartet of outfielders they snatched up in July, only Duvall remains signed for next year. Acuña will hopefully return in time for Opening Day, but they need to find at least two more outfielders.

Miami Marlins

Not many teams could follow up a playoff appearance with a 67-win season and feel like they’re improving. That’s not a compliment.

What went right: They say there’s no such thing as too much good pitching, but the Marlins seek to test that theory. Trevor Rogers is a Rookie of the Year finalist while Sandy Alcantara and Pablo López are 26-year-old rotation anchors that any franchise would covet. Top prospects Max Meyer and Edward Cabrera are ready to contribute. Jesús Luzardo and Sixto Sánchez are tantalizing former mega prospects who can still straighten things out.

What went wrong: No position players posted 3.0 bWAR, and the team leader was Starling Marte, who was traded to Oakland in July. Miami finished second-last in MLB in OBP (.298) and SLG (.372).

How to fix them: It’s criminal to have such a plethora of young pitching talent and give them absolutely zero run support. They absolutely must find 3-4 above-average hitters, irrelevant of position. The lineup is so deprived that anyone who can put the bat on the ball will be welcomed, and everyone else can budge over. In Roster Resource’s current projection of their 2022 lineup, Bryan De La Cruz bats third. He may or not be a make-believe person.

New York Mets

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (deep breath) AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What went right: Pete Alonso won the Home Run Derby. That was cool. Jacob deGrom compiled the best half-season in MLB history. Marcus Stroman shoved, plus Javier Báez and Rich Hill were excellent trade acquisitions, but all three of them are free agents, so…

What went wrong: Womp, womp.

How to fix them: (screams into a bullhorn in front of a microphone plugged into Madison Square Garden concert speakers) HIRE A GENERAL MANAGER!!!!!

In the week-and-a-half since Mayer compiled that list, it has only grown. There are just 30 MLB teams and millions of people who dream of running one, including practically everyone currently working in an MLB front office. The Mets have the richest owner in the game. Something must be fundamentally irreparable for that many qualified candidates to simply pass on the job. It’s gotten so out of hand that the leading candidate du jour is an attorney from a shady corporate law firm who quit working in baseball four years ago. Even by Mets standards, this is embarrassing.

Philadelphia Phillies

The Phillies won 82 games, finishing (just barely) above .500 for the first time since 2011. Given that they’ve won between 80 and 82 games in each of the last three 162-game seasons, it’s hard to say they’re making progress.

What went right: Bryce Harper led MLB with a 170 wRC+ and may well collect his second MVP award. The lineup core of Harper, J.T. Realmuto, and Rhys Hoskins remains formidable. Zack Wheeler could take home some hardware during awards week as well. Ranger Suárez may have unexpectedly developed into a true ace.

What went wrong: For as many stars as there are on this roster, there are just as many holes. Didi Gregorius was a disaster offensively and defensively. Alec Bohm collapsed after a sensational rookie season in 2020. Kyle Gibson was their big midseason trade acquisition but was unremarkable down the stretch. The club is two trustworthy relievers, two mid-rotation starters, and two outfielders away from seriously competing for a playoff spot.

How to fix them: This offseason features a historically good class of shortstops, including Carlos Correa, Corey Seager, Marcus Semien, Trevor Story, and Javier Báez. Philadelphia needs to find a way to reel one in. The team finished dead last in MLB with -52 Defensive Runs Saved. They must get more athletic on defense, and especially up the middle. If they can do that and add a few decent pitchers, they’ll be cooking with gas.

Washington Nationals

The Crisco was emptied into the aquarium / Where the fish all seem to float / The Ex-Lax lines the dog bowl / The toilet’s overflowed / We’ve had our fun / Now there’s nothing left to damage/ We’ve got no place left to go

What went right: Juan Soto continues to evoke Ted Williams. The Nationals should lock him up to a 15-year extension if he’s amenable.

What went wrong: It’s not so much that things went wrong; it’s more like the franchise reached the end of the road. The party was clearly over, so they shipped off everyone with any trade value other than Soto, including Max Scherzer, Trea Turner, Kyle Schwarber, and somehow even Brad Hand.

How to fix them: It’s going to be a long time before the sun rises in Washington again. They began to replenish a bereft farm system with their estate sale, specifically loading up on young catchers. Their best option this winter is to look for more Schwarber-type players looking to sign a one-year “get right” contract who they can scrap for parts next July.

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