Alright. We’ve been through the first round matchups. And there were some upsets, but nothing to really write home about. 5-seed King James was sent packing this time before the Finals (a bit of an upset if we remember how he usually performs in pre-Finals playoffs). No. 7 seed The Bus was sent to the showers after the Mailman delivered and 11-Seed Air Jordan dispatched of The Big Unit. Now come some interesting matchups as we work through our bracket to determine the best nickname in the history of sports.
**To get our results we polled 13 of our readers and asked them to fill out our brackets. Additionally Max and Sean gave points to nicknames based off a few categories, including the amount a nickname is used in place of the person’s real name, creativity, and creation story. Max and Sean also made some choices because we could.
NorthEast Bracket
1 Shoeless Joe vs 9 Crime Dog
The Crime Dog got his nickname from the Sultan of Nicknames (Chris Berman) for McGriff’s similarity to McGruff, a cartoon dog created for American police to raise children’s awareness on crime prevention. As timely as Crime Dog may have been, Shoeless Joe won in a landslide. There’s a reason we still remember Jackson’s shoelessness some 60 years after his death. It was a part of him. He was Shoeless Joe to anyone that watched the game.
5 Refridgerator Perry vs 4 Shaq-tus.
The Fridge wins this matchup 43-30 in our scoring system that takes entirely too long to figure out and may or may not make any sense. Regardless, it’s a bit of an upset given the multitude of Shaq’s self-given nicknames (SuperMan and The Big Agave among them). But, voters must have really known how perfect Refridgerator Perry fit his nickname. He was the largest man in the history of the NFL at the time. It’s quality over quantity, and self-entitled nicknames have far less flair. Plus, there’s this….
11 Air Jordan vs 3 Mr. October
He’s Air Jordan. He literally hangs in the air. How could he lose? Voters cited that they, “Didn’t remember him as Air Jordan, but rather as M.J. or simply Jordan.” Mr. October is very simply remembered as Mr. October. How awesome is this: Since Jackson had hit a home run off Dodger pitcher Don Sutton in his last at bat in Game 5 of the World Series, his three home runs in Game 6 meant that he had hit four home runs on four consecutive swings of the bat against four different Dodger pitchers (with a 4-pitch walk mixed in). Jackson had just been given the nickname by a teammate, who, while trying to dismiss reporters referred to Jackson as “Mr. October,” before the series. Mr. O wins 36-24
7 Wizard of Oz vs 2 Pistol Pete
Pistol Pete averaged 44.2 Points per game in his four year career at LSU. That’s not even the scary stat. Former LSU Coach Dale Brown calculated that at the NCAA rule of a three-point line at 19-foot (5.8 m), 9-inches from the rim, Maravich would have averaged thirteen 3-point scores per game, lifting the player’s career average to 57 points per game. Yeah, Pistol Pete wins because he gets his nickname from how he shoots the ball from his side (as if holding a revolver).
SouthEast Bracket
1 Magic Johnson vs 8 Yogi
A yogi is a practitioner of Yoga. Little Known fact, Yogi Berra got his nickname from this. His old friend Bobby Hofman said that Berra looked like a Hindu yogi whenever he was sitting around arms and legs folded waiting to bat. Hey, not all reasons for nicknames are awesome. Magic wins the matchup, but Yogi may get the final word because “It ain’t over til it’s over.”
12 The Glove vs 4 Sugar Ray Leonard
Look, Sugar Ray isn’t a great nickname because it’s a repeat. Leonard may have gotten the benefit of the easiest 4-some in the bracket. It’s just the way things work out sometimes. Gary the Glove’s defense just didn’t stand much of a chance against the quick jabs of Sugar Ray. 48-21.
6 Mean Joe Greene vs 3 The Rocket
Would you believe me if I told you after 13 people filled out brackets and after Max and I conferred, this one came down to a coin flip? Well it really did. I told you we spent too much time on this thing. The Rocket is simply phenominal. He got his nickname from his blistering fastball and a teammate who put a sign over his locker that read “The Rocket.” Kinda badass. Mean Joe Greene gets his nickname from his alma matre, the University of North Texas. Their sports teams are known as the “mean green.” How unbelievably perfect is it that Mean Joe Greene went to a place where they call themselves the Mean Green???!!!! Mean Joe won the coin flip and rightfully so.
2 El Duque vs 10 The Say Hey Kid
The Duke is just an awesome nickname but throw in the Spanish translation thanks to Orlando Hernandez’s heritage and The Say Hey Kid doesn’t stand a chance. Sorry Mr. Mays. You’re still the de facto best baseball player of All-Time based on our All-Time Draft (the other OTB Special Presentation).
Northwest Bracket:
(1) Babe over (9) Big Papi
No real surprise here. Big Papi simply couldn’t match the versatility of The Sultan of Swat and The Great Bambino. You’d be surprised how few people actually know Babe’s real name (George Herman).
(4) Pudge over (5) Charlie Hustle
A really tough matchup for Charlie Hustle. I think he would have won a lot of other 2nd round contests but Pudge is simply too strong and moves on easily.
(3) Sweetness over (8) Goose Gossage
Goose got his nickname from the confusion over his last name, Gossage. Scouts apparently had a tough time with that and took to calling him Goose. It stuck. That’s a pretty good story but no match for Sweetness, which was bestowed upon Walter Payton because of his incredible ability on the football field. Sweetness moves on.
(2) Dr. J over (10 ) The Mailman
I have no idea how Karl Malone got his postal worker related nickname but it doesn’t really matter becuase he is eliminated. Dr. J heads into the Sweet 16 having yet to face a real challenge.
Southwest Bracket:
(9) Megatron over (1) Tiger
Huge Upset! No one could have predicted that the mighty Tiger would fall so early on, especially to Megatron but that’s how the voters decided. Tiger was given his moniker by his father who was referring to an old Vietnam Army buddy while Megatron was given his name by some TV personality with a 6 year old. Apparently, the better story couldn’t save Woods, he’s out.
(5) The Great One over (4) Catfish Hunter
This bracket is filled with upsets. Catfish was given his nickname when the owner of the A’s thought that “Jim” was a little too run of the mill. Great story but the voters weren’t having it. The Great One is a great nickname because it really can only be given to someone who is the consensus best player ever. Wow. He moves on.
(3) Primetime over (6) Big Baby
This one wasn’t close. Primetime, Neon Deion versus the Big Baby? C’mon. Big Baby is a good nickname for someone with the build of Glenn Davis but Deion lived Primetime.
(7) Round Mound of Rebound over (2) Stan the Man
Another huge upset. I think Round Mound got major comedy bonus points here but it’s still very surprising that Stan the Man is out so soon. Now, both the 1 and 2 seeds are out in this bracket and we’re only through the second round. This is getting nuts, stay tuned.
-Moonshine Morash and Max “Rolling Thunder” Frankel.
